High times, hard times, hand of God

High times

High times are those periods in our lives that were especially meaningful in a positive way. An example might be a time when a particular talent was applauded by others and a decision was made to pursue that talent further in life.

In 2008, I made a decision to commit myself to attending and serving in one church. It was a low point in my life. I was a resident doctor in career crisis: I knew clearly what specialties I did not want to do, but had no idea what specialties I wanted to do. I did not think I will have any chance of getting a boyfriend if I continue the same lifestyle working in the hospital. I felt stuck and was pessimistic, with a heavy weight on the top of my head constantly. If God had not intervened, I would have become clinically depressed. Fortunately it was during a church camp that I suddenly felt such a strong presence of God’s Spirit amongst me that it filled me with joy and all the heaviness on the top of my head lifted off. Such a transformation occurred in me that I burned with passion for God and no longer felt so disgruntled against my parents. Subsequently, my mother, who was quite critical of my faith, accepted Jesus as her saviour!

Hard times

Hard times are those relationships, experiences or seasons in our lives that were particularly difficult or painful. An example might be a childhood move from one school to another that was hard and caused you to build up some defensive walls that have been difficult to break down ever since. Perhaps there’s been a relationship conflict that has not been restored.

Dr Paul Kang, who leads the transformational discipleship group I am currently attending, mentions there are scholarly articles which demonstrates that suffering act as a catalyst for spiritual formation! I agree. I find it very hard to remember God when things are going along smoothly, even though I may still be able to keep up the routines of attending church and praying. I tend to feel desperate for God when things do not go according to plan, or when I face a great “unknown” in front of me. In fact, it is quite easy to say “I’ve got faith in God” when things are relatively smooth sailing, when one is blessed like Job was in the beginning of the book of Job. However, when faced with suffering, that’s when we know what we are made of: some people may renounce their faith, some people’s faith actually grows stronger. However, there will always be a wrestle before the gold becomes refined.

In May 2013, my father suddenly passed away. This event radically changed my theology. At that time, I had a “prosperity gospel” type of theology. Things were smooth sailing in my life, as well as in the church I had been attending. The predominant theologies in the environment I was in was that “if you got faith, you can do anything… if something doesn’t go according to plan, that’s because you don’t have enough faith and  haven’t been praying hard enough… God always wants us to succeed,” etc.

Coinciding with the passing away of my father was a call from God for me to study in a seminary. I had to stay in Taiwan for four weeks to sort out things related to my father. I went to a praying room in one church and saw a seminary school pamphlet. I had been to this praying room several times in the past and never seen this type of pamphlet before. Then, I went to another church’s praying room, and saw another seminary school pamphlet. When I returned to Sydney, the friend whom I usually pray with suddenly mentioned to me, “the Baptist churches have a strong foundation in the Scriptures, and going to a Baptist seminary school will be great to build a good foundation.” That was when Morling College popped into my mind, as it was the closest seminary school to my home, and it is Baptist in denomination. Since then, growth began happening in a way that would never have happened if this difficult time had not occurred.

Hand of God

There are the times when God revealed His sovereignty and grace in our lives in a special way. Maybe at a particular time of need God sent just the right person with just the right perspective that enabled us to keep moving ahead in faith. Or perhaps His Word came “alive” to us at a critical point.

I see the hand of God working on my life and on those around me constantly, including the high times and hard times I’ve described previously, so I will just pick another example here.

I have always liked the verse on the fruit of the Spirit. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23). However, I also see my inadequacy when I read this verse, as I am quite an impatient person, and often wished I could grow fruits at a much more rapid rate. Well, my prayer got answered when I encountered Chris, who is now my husband.

I encountered Chris briefly at church in 2008 because his cousin’s family and I used to attend the same church, and his aunt got admitted into RPA (the hospital I was working in) that year, so I became a bit more familiar with them as a result of that. Anyway, Chris came to check out the church I was attending and we shook hands. I had a negative impression of him during that encounter, but he added me on Facebook.

Then, in the second half of 2014, a series of events occurred. In July, an elderly man suddenly gave me a painting of plum blossoms with a Chinese poem which is essentially asking “what is love?” In that same week, our small group watched the film “Fireproof” which kind of answered that question (google "the love dare"). In that same week I noticed that one of the trees on my investment property suddenly blossomed flowers that looked exactly the same as the elderly man’s painting.

In late October, right before I left home to see a play called "Marriage" (where a sister from our small group, Naomi, played the bride), I noticed that the flowers outside the windows of the first room in my house were in full blossom, and couldn't help taking heaps of photos with the flowers outside the room.

Then, less a month later, the mysterious “plum” tree produced fruits, and it turned out to be a peach tree, which was a pleasant surprise as I like peaches much better than plums. It was around this time that Chris had a Facebook status update saying he’s been asked to vacate the rental property which had had been living in for seven years, because the owners wanted to renovate the place. I also had an empty room in my four bedroom shared house that I wanted to rent out, and was advertising it on my Facebook. It was the room where the flowers blossomed. I secretly thought to myself, “this annoying guy better not enquire about my place.” Then, in the beginning of 2015, Chris enquired about my place, because his next work project was located near my place.

As Chris returned to his car at the end of the inspection, we saw a butterfly at his windshield, flapping its wings furiously mid-air, but not moving anywhere at all (this looks a bit like when birds try to fly against the wind). We’ve never seen anything like this before. Chris said the butterfly had been there like that since he first got out of the car to inspect my house, which meant it had been like this for at least ten minutes. This unusual image stuck in my mind. Furthermore, he mentioned his project is only going to last for 6 months, which seemed very short term anyway. So I broke my usual rule of renting to females only, and rented this empty room to him.

Little did I know that once Chris moved in, he will never move out again.

When he first moved in, I was pleasantly surprised about how different he was compared to my initial impression of him. There were also many times where I got extremely annoyed by Chris’ rigid thinking and debating nature. However, each time I become like this, I get a supernatural sign happening along with a supernatural increase in my capacity to tolerate him. Many of these conflicts actually resulted in me seeing my own problems through self-introspection, and growing in a way I never would have if I had not encountered him. I knew that the hand of God is upon this encounter. This fruit-growing process continues repeating itself over and over again, and I believe it will continue until we return to our heavenly home.

Time has wings: Easter 2018

In the picture: Every Easter, the “red-centred” guavas harvest in my garden! In January, I also discovered that the fig tree in my garden which I thought was dead is actually alive and bears fruits (just that I did not pay enough attention to it to realise it harvests in Jan)!

I don’t know if turning 35 does something to one’s physiology, but my sense of time has changed. I often felt like time has wings and now I feel it’s flying away fast! If one generation is defined as 70 years, half of it had already gone past like the wind!

I know that I will come face to face with God one day. Will it be a “Welcome, good and faithful servant,” or a “I never knew you”? I already thought of this question a long time ago. I’ve always been the type of person who thinks very far ahead. In fact, three days before my dad died unexpectedly in 2013, he told me I had this conversation with him at the age of 7 and he already knew I will become a Christian one day:

“Will everyone eventually die?” I asked.

“Yes.” He replied.

“They why did you guys let me be born?” I asked.

Sounds depressing, doesn’t it? I wasn’t exactly the happiest kid in the world at the age of 7. Luckily, things changed at the age of 8 when I moved to the US and received the Gospel there. I’m not sure how visible the impact of God’s work on me and my immediate family looks to others, but there are some very serious issues internally within myself as well as interpersonal issues within the immediate family that God had already transformed supernaturally.

For instance, there was one time in 2008 where I almost fell into clinical depression and God just took that awful feeling away suddenly during a prayer (instantaneous, fraction of a second type of action)! Previous self-help books could not do that! Another miracle happened on a Wednesday where I suddenly decided to take a quick peek in a church that was close to where my grandma lived in Taiwan. My dad, who claimed to be atheist and stayed far away from churches, suddenly followed me in because he thought I was just taking a quick glance. Coincidentally, the pastor of the church was standing at the entrance and started a conversation with my dad, eventually leading him to the prayer to accept Christ as Saviour! I see that as a miracle! Sadly, my dad passed away unexpectedly two days later. Imagine how horrible it would have been if he had died without praying that prayer!    

Despite the tragedy of his sudden passing, this prompted me to think more deeply about my accountability to Christ in my short little life. That was when I decided to make an attempt to equip myself better for Christ by enrolling at Morling College.

In a sense, God is like my doctor: He had already done many internal works on me like a surgeon… Yet I am a very impatient patient of God, often demanding him for faster and more visible results externally. Paradoxically, one of the reason why I am so impatient is related to my accountability to Christ: Facing Him one day and not being able to come up with enough examples about the impact of my life on other people’s lives.
I mean, I impact on people as a doctor, but what about on the matters in relation to eternity, ie. as God’s vessel to bring others to Christ? Here is a story to illustrate the point:
https://www.9news.com.au/national/2018/04/01/20/35/60-minutes-munjed-al-muderis-luis-montalvan

This is a fascinating story about a leading Sydney surgeon who was a refugee from Iraq, and a former US soldier who lost a leg in Iraq!
Sad twist to the story though: You can apply the most amazing medical technology to help someone... and still not be able to save that person... but I think Dr Al Muderis still made a very positive contribution to Luis' life as there are some joyful moments captured on camera.

I must constantly remind myself to stay connected to the true vine (John 15:5): only when the love of Christ overflows would I have enough love to give to others. And instead of ripping at the unripened fruits, to wait patiently for the fruits to be ready.

Weekly reflection on “The Good and Beautiful God” Chapter 9 How to make a pickle

Notes from the book:

Jesus did not have a lot to say specifically about hurry, busyness and distraction, but there is one narrative n the Gospels that deals directly with these problems: the stories of the sisters Martha and Mary (Luke 10:40). Being overcommitted, too busy and preoccupied are not new to contemporary society.[1] Economist and writer Jeremy Rifkin puts a finger on the problem of speed: “It is ironic that in a culture so committed to saving time we feel increasingly deprived of the very thing we value… Despite our alleged efficiency… we seem to have less time for ourselves and far less time for each other… We have quickened the pace of life only to become less patient. We have become more organised but less spontaneous, less joyful. We are better prepared to act on the future but less able to enjoy the present and reflect on the past.” How did we get into this predicament?[2] 

The clock was invented by monks. Apparently they had a lot of time on their hands. They invented the clock because they wanted to regulate their times of prayer and labour. The notion that “idleness is the enemy of the soul” became pervasive in the monasteries. The monks felt that hard work was a way to serve God. But we cannot blame them for our obsession with speed. Technology is at fault. With the invention of the machine a whole new approach to work and productivity emerged. The machine is a model of efficiency: it works ceaselessly and tirelessly until it breaks down.[3] The unintentional consequences of such invention is, we “invented the machine and then took it as its life model.” Then Frederick Wilson Taylor changed the narrative even further: he broke down every job into a series of tasks and timed workers as they performed these tasks. He then tried to find ways to perform the tasks more efficiently: he called it “the system.” The workers hated the system but productivity soared. Taylor wrote these chilling words in his 1911 treatise ‘The Principles of Scientific Management’: “In the past, man has been first, in the future, the system must be first.”[4]

There is a new phenomenon called “omni-tasking.” Omni-taskers believe that they can do more than a few things at once; they do nearly everything at once! We are guilty of this problem in our churches. Many Christians attribute their lack of margin to being overtasked by their churches. With a slight twist, churches sometimes operate under the Fred Taylor narrative: the church is more important than the person! Some committed Christian women and men were burned out by being overextended by their churches. Because they did things well, they were asked to be on more church committees and to help with more church programs. They became so busy that they finally collapsed. Satan does not always appear as a red devil. Sometimes he simply inserts false narrative (achievement equals value) into our minds.[5]

No one can save time; we can only spend it. We cannot put time in a bottle and use it later. Technology does reduce the time we have to spend on certain tasks. Where did the extra time go?[6] All these technological advances have raised the expectations of what we can get done, so we added more to our schedule. We increase our workload to keep up with or get ahead of others. If we fail to raise the bar, we will fall behind, be less productive and thus feel less important.[7]

There most important aspects of our lives cannot be rushed. We cannot love, think, eat, laugh or pray in a hurry. Taking time is especially important in our spiritual lives: in our spiritual life we cannot do anything important in a hurry.[8] Jesus gives us the best example of a well-paced life. In the Gospels we see Jesus retreating to be alone (nine times in the Gospel of Luke alone). Jesus lives his life in perfect rhythm, the proper tempo, at all times. He will not be rushed. He never does anything in haste.[9]

It is possible to act quickly without hurrying. The author says if he only has ten minutes to get from one end of the airport to another, he can move quickly without hurrying. Hurry is an inner condition that is fear based: “If I don’t make my plane everything will be ruined. Life as I know it is over!” But then he walk in step with God and learned to say, “If I don’t make that plane I’ll be fine. God is with me. Things will work out. Meanwhile, I’ll move my legs as fast as I can while my heart is happy and unhurried.” Carl Jung said, “Hurry, it is not of the Devil; it is the Devil.”[10]

As authors Richard Bailey and Joseph Carlson explain, “Life is really nothing more than a series of present moments, one right after the other, to be experienced. You are always living in this moment: will you be present or absent?” (Isn’t it ironic that the word present is the word we use for gift?)[11]

The author realised that not only does he need to slow down to grow in his spiritual life, he also need to realise that spiritual growth is a slow process. Making pickles is an apt analogy to the way we grow as disciples. To make a pickle, there needs to be a cucumber soaked in the brine and vinegar solution for six weeks.[12] Spiritual renewal is a gradual process, and in addition to being slow, it is not uniform. Some years we may experience tremendous growth, and some we see very little change.[13] The author has been working on replacing false narratives with the narratives of Jesus for well over twenty-five years, and yet he remains a work in progress.[14]

Reflections:

The first part of the chapter explores how our view of time evolved into “tyranny of the urgent” and even regarding humanity as a machine designed to produce tasks with efficiency.[15]

The medical profession seem to encourage efficiency and accuracy. In fact, it even seems to encourage obsessive-compulsiveness. Being a doctor, sometimes I can get so busy that I feel as though I am turning into a machine. And with the aging population, the health system is getting overloaded and the trend is likely to get worse. Sometimes I am afraid of getting too emotionally attached to the people I encounter because it produces an emotional burden. Yet, sometimes when I switch off the emotional button, it can be hard to switch it back on during times meant for family and friends. This seem to improve when I intentionally slow down, spend quiet time with God, in self-reflection, catch up with some friends, appreciating nature and even going on holidays. And this is something I am still adjusting in my life, especially on the areas of love and patience.

Bibliography:

Smith, James Bryan.The Good and Beautiful God. London: Hodder and Stoughton, 2010.

Wang, Ying-fan Yvonne. Dr Yvonne Wang’s Blabberings. Last modified May 23, 2015. http://dryvonnewang.blogspot.com.au.

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[1]James Bryan Smith, The Good and Beautiful God,(London: Hodder and Stoughton, 2010): 172.

[2]Smith, The Good and Beautiful God, 174.

[3]Smith, The Good and Beautiful God, 175.

[4]Smith, The Good and Beautiful God, 176.

[5]Smith, The Good and Beautiful God, 177.

[6]Smith, The Good and Beautiful God, 178.

[7]Smith, The Good and Beautiful God, 179.

[8]Smith, The Good and Beautiful God, 180.

[9]Smith, The Good and Beautiful God, 181.

[10]Smith, The Good and Beautiful God, 183.

[11]Smith, The Good and Beautiful God, 185.

[12]Smith, The Good and Beautiful God, 185.

[13]Smith, The Good and Beautiful God, 186.

[14]Smith, The Good and Beautiful God, 187.

[15]James Bryan Smith, The Good and Beautiful God,(London: Hodder and Stoughton, 2010): 173-179.