(點入連結可聽有中文翻譯的講道)
Do not take advantage of the widow or the fatherless. (Exodus
22:22)
Fatherless child in the Jew meaning, just meaning no father,
not no parents as the Chinese language implies.
Heart: mind vs heart clear in English but ambiguous in the
Chinese language. The heart is sensitive. People who don't know you don't
understand why you say certain things/act certain ways.
Without the father's love, we get sad and aimless people. Other
people can't see the deeply wounded heart. In people with an orphan heart
condition, there is a sharp arrow in their heart, "the arrow of
separation", which separates us from love. Even to those closest to us, eg
our partner & children, the "arrow" causes problems and
separations. Hence divorce rate is 1 in 2 couples. In society today, even in
church, 7/10 Christians have such a condition, which can make us feel numb
emotionally, very logical in our thinking and neglect our feelings. Every
relationship must involve love and feelings. This condition affects the
development of our character.
There are 21 Symptoms & signs of this condition.
There are two extremes in reaction in those who have this
condition: 1) Denial, denying there's a problem, vs 2) thinking we have
problems in everything.
Most of us are in between.
We need to learn to be open, but not vulnerable.
Don't wear a mask to disguise our weaknesses. Even when we
may be cracked/fragmented, sometimes people cannot see it because some of us
paper over it well. In fact some of us cover up so well we deceive ourselves
thinking we are well.
When people accidentally bump the bruised part of our heart,
we overreact, out of proportion to the size of the issue.
Bumping can happen when an important person in our lives
does not seem to value us. As a result, people find it hard to get along with
us.
We need to get to know who we really are, or why we react
the way we react.
Today, we will talk about 10 symptoms:
1)
Abandonment (被棄絕): For
example the child sees father go out to work and was left under others' care
and picked up in the evening. If this goes on for many years, the child feels
forsaken by the father. The child may then avoid talking about their feelings
and become unable to express their feelings and even start to express anger out
of frustration.
2)
Rejection (被拒絕): This
can be active like being bullied, or passive like being in a family of many
children and feeling neglected/isolated.
3)
Loneliness (孤單): The
feeling of being lonely, even in a large crowd. This is when there is no one
you can share your feelings with, and you can't develop intimate relationships.
Feel isolated and uprooted, feeling like an outsider in a crowd of people.
4)
Hopelessness (沒盼望):
The father is supposed to give us hopefulness but many give the law instead!
The father is supposed to be an encourager, encouraging the child to achieve
their dreams. If the father doesn't act as an encourager, this brings
purposelessness, lack of direction, and despair.
5)
Worthlessness (沒價值): Guilt
and shame often get mixed up and are not the same. Guilt is a negative feeling
when you do something wrong. Shame is a negative feeling about yourself or even
your family background, low self-esteem. This is a destructive emotion state
which prevents one from achieving in life. Humbleness is different from
worthlessness.
6)
Sadness (悲傷): Some
people may appear like a comedian as a mask, but the true face is sad. This is
a deep void/ grief because the unconditional love of the good father is
missing.
7)
Insecure (沒有安全感):
If you lack security, you will feel you need a lot of affirmation from other
people, eg wife keep asking husband if he loves her etc. The orphan hearted
person finds it hard to know who they really are and can't believe how people
can love them.
8)
Hypersensitivity (過度敏感): If
someone tells you certain things and you take certain words in and examine
every single word, you may start finding something wrong with it and you start
think it's targeting you! Sometimes when a person talks louder, you think that
person's scolding you, when in fact it could just be the person's culture/the
way they are brought up. This can bring obsession into your relationship.
9)
Fear (恐懼): A good father is a loving father
who protects you. But if the father uses a police-like attitude as the way of
protecting you, you feel fearful about many things. There is the fear of
failure, isolation, not being good enough, etc.
10) Poverty
mindset (貧窮的想法): Sometimes the father who's the provider is not
generous with you or provides enough love. You feel as if someone will take
away everything you have, and you feel you need to collect materialistic goods
so you don't run out of these things one day.
