Build self-respect, not self-esteem, Professor Toni Noble

This is very interesting video that we are asked to watch as a part of the Chaplaincy skills course:

https://youtu.be/bGvXRZDObgA

Self-esteem:

·       Bullies often have an overinflated sense of self-esteem and entitlement.

·       Self-esteem is how favourably a person regards himself or herself. It is perception (and evaluation), not reality (Roy Baumeister).

·       Ellis argued that self-esteem is self-defeating and ultimately destructive. That self-esteem is the greatest sickness known to man or woman because it’s conditional (Albert Ellis, father of CBT).

·       Twenge’s research shows that kids’ self-esteem has increased over the last 30 years (I think that's referring to developed countries), to a point that it’s actually overinflated now, with a corresponding rise in  narcissism, a sense of entitlement, and a decrease in empathy.

·       The shift now is towards developing self-respect, not self-esteem.

Self-respect: You can never have too much of self-respect, but you can have too much self-esteem. Build self-respect by building the following:

·       Self-knowledge: help kids pinpoint the things they are good at and the things they are not good at. For example, use a character strength inventory. It’s ok to be different and not rely on comparing self with others.

·       Self-management: helping kids have clear moral values and to put those values into practice. To prefer positive feedback but not be dependent on it. Resilience: everyone experiences setbacks, not just you.

·       Self-confidence: everybody has self-doubts, but try not to let your self-doubt get in the way.

·       Self-trust: not only to trust their own judgment, but also be open to advice. To value constructive feedback but not to be controlled by it.

·       Self-protection: if you self-respect, you self-protect. Not put themselves down and not let others put you down. Don’t let yourself to be bullied and excluded. Respect for your body, live a healthy lifestyle, don’t self-harm, etc.

·       Respect for others: they look at other people’s strengths and not limitations. When they see other kids being bullied, to not be bystanders. Show courage to lend support to the kid who’s more vulnerable than they are.

Educate for self-respect, not self-esteem.