Went to a very interesting talk on
resilience tonight at the Chinese Christian Church, Milson's Point. The speaker
was Christian psychologist Lyn Worsley, who founded a well known psychologist
counselling service called Alpha Counselling.
Resilience is a process. It's dynamic.
It's not to "toughen up", but to
deal with the difficulties. It involves reaching out and building on
relationships rather than just not talk about it.
Not able to cope: this involves high
anxiety, depressive episodes, can't stay on track.
The Resilience Doughnut
It has 2 circles:
Inner is "I have, I am, I can"
(ie I can change my circumstance)
We interact with the 7 external areas in
the outer circle.
We only need have 3 areas working for us
any point in time, so focus and build on our strongest 3 areas.
Our identity is continually being formed
and transformed. It's constantly changing.
Identity crisis=transitional stages.
Midlife crisis=a change in life
circumstance making one confused about who they are.
For example, when a woman leaves her job to
have a baby, at that point in time she no longer seek identity in her job
field, but encounter a transitional change in status to a mom.
It's a great opportunity for change, but
can also be quite scary.
Faith encompasses all areas of the
doughnut. If someone has a belief in a high power, it impacts all areas. We
can't put God in one segment. God is in all of it!
Connecting with our church: if connected to
the church correctly, the community and peer factor should actually be
enhanced.
We are often part of other's doughnuts and
may play a very important part in someone else's life.
The key point is to connect: the more
connections of positive interactions we have, the more resilience.
If you work too much on your weak areas,
you might do harm instead, because you can get mentally frustrated by the lack
of results and may be putting in a lot of effort to achieve something very
little. It is better to concentrate on what's already working.
Some definitions when it comes to personal
identity
Unhealthy pride: unhealthy sense of self,
grandiosity, egocentric.
Healthy sense of self: know who you are in
relationship to other people.
False humility: to say you're bad at
something which you're good in.
Self-esteem: the esteem you give to
yourself. It's different from identity. It's the value you place on your role.
God made me the way I am and I should value
who I am.
Sometimes we draw our sense of worth from
things that God does not value, eg how much money I am making from my
investments.
When one has a poor sense of self, one
needs to find friends who give you joy, finding where one's positive
interactions are.
Find what God values in you, not comparing
with other people.
To follow Jesus is to reach out.
Note that the main emphasis of the doughnut
is on interaction: we don't just look at the inner circle, we look at the outer
circle too, as we are made to be relational beings.
With the verse "In Christ, we can do
all things" (Philippians 4:13), the panel tonight states that this is
referring to being resilient through the power of Christ.
All humans are made in the image of God, so
humans are capable of doing very amazing things. It is actually possible for
people to get through life having resilience and not have God. And there are
also some Christians who are not very resilient at all. However, what Christians
have in addition is God's love for us, which is a strong source to draw on in
resilience. Statistics in research shows that people who have faith (in the
studies they even specifically differentiated those who have faith from those
who are simply religious), they show much higher resilience. There are studies
done on those with cancers, the Christian recovers quicker. Faith gives a
meaning to what they're going through.
The bible commands us to be
"Christlike". The panel states that this is being Christlike in
character and morality. It does not mean to be an exact replica of Jesus
(another words it does not mean to like the same colors that Jesus likes etc.)
The audience asked a question: First
generation Australian vs second generation Australian, why does it seem that
the first generation seem to have more resilience? The panel thinks that people
who immigrate tend to know what they want: have a sense of direction and
purpose, hence greater resilience. The second generation has too many choices
(I think this is just a more pleasant way of phrasing "too spoilt"/
"life is too smooth" :P).
Justin Fung, the person sharing "life
stories" tonight, made the following statement: Resilience is the ability
to bounce back from life's difficulties. We cannot learn resilience unless we
go through difficulties in life.
Personal thoughts/feedback:
In terms of the format of the event, I like
how it discusses a very interesting real life topic accompanied by a very
inspiring testimony/life story, conducted in a very interactive interview
Q&A type of fashion.
In terms of the resilience doughnut model,
I agree that one should work harder on the three areas one is stronger in.
Sometimes society has certain expectations of people: for example, maybe some
Christians may say "you gotta spread the gospel to everyone, so you gotta
make friends with everyone", and make you go out to chat up to strangers
in order to spread the gospel. While I believe we sometimes have to go out of
our comfort zone to try out new things, but once you try it out and realise
this thing is really not for you, it's time to move on to something else. For
example, I actually think it is not appropriate to push someone who doesn't
warm up to strangers well into a long term task of welcoming newcomers, especially
when there are other people with personality traits more suited for this task. After
all, if each individual is suited and capable of performing every task, then
what's the point of dividing the ministry up into the "fivefold
ministry"?
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