Discussion forum: same-gender attraction

We had a very interesting "chat forum discussion" type of assignment at Morling on same-gender attraction! We are to write one post, and respond to two other students' posts!

A video showing.... ambiguity!

My thoughts on the topic on “The vast majority of Christians are completely unequipped to handle someone who is same-gender attracted.”

Hi, my name is Yvonne Wang. I am doing PC603 on campus. I am working full time as a GP in Eastwood.

In terms of my exposure to homosexuality in a church setting, I attend a Chinese congregation and am not aware of anyone who is openly gay. Our church take a strong stance against gay marriage, but there doesn’t seem to be any teaching on how it views the sexual orientation. In fact, on 11/11/2011, we had a special “wedding ceremony” where congregation members who were not Christians when they got married were given the opportunity to do the ceremony again in the Christian covenantal setting. The slogan of that event was “one man, one woman, one husband, one wife, for the one life time”, which might make it more difficult for gay people to be open about their sexual orientation. In the family setting, I suspect one of my cousins might be gay, even though he never openly confessed it. In the work setting, all sorts of people come in the clinic, including homosexual people. I do not make any comments to homosexual patients about their sexual orientation. If they are involved in high risk sexual behaviours, I would simply warn them about the risks of their behaviour. In terms of peers, I was watching SBS Insight one evening when my previous medical school classmate suddenly appeared on TV openly gay with a partner talking about the topic of gay marriage! For the six years in medical school, no one knew! So even outside of the church setting, homosexual people struggle with being open about their sexual orientation.

According to the lecture on 14Oct, there are four main theological positions towards homosexual people:

1.     Reject orientation and act.

2.     Reject the act but not the person.

3.     Acceptance with a qualification: Same sex monogamy. (Genesis 2)

4.     Unqualified acceptance.

I take the second position. While I believe the bible condemns entering into a homosexual relationship and homosexual behaviour, I do not believe the bible condemns homosexual orientation. It is complex as to how people come to their sexual orientations, as demonstrated by McGrath’s article on “Listening to a complex story” where he described a middle-aged man who has felt sexual attraction to men since his teenage years and later fell in love with a woman at his church and married and end up in a sexually satisfying relationship with his wife: What category do we put him in then? Has he denied his true self or has he found it? I am leaning towards the side that people are born with their sexual orientation and therefore cannot choose it, but it can sometimes be pointless to label people’s sexual orientation because in the dynamic life of the Christian there is much more to this life than our sexual desires and behaviours.

I agree with the Baptist Public Issues Paper’s pastoral and missional response to same-sex orientated persons that the church should encourage those who are not married to practice celibacy, and to build wholesome, tender, kind, and intimate friendships. I believe this applies to all unmarried people in the church regardless of their sexual orientation.

In fact, a church that affirms/embraces same sex attraction doesn’t necessarily help the person. McGrath describes an example of a lesbian woman who ended up leaving the church that affirmed her sexuality and changed to a church which embraced a traditional biblical position on sexuality, because of her desire to be true to the faith she had uncovered in the scriptures. She is not looking to be heterosexual; she is merely seeking to live a holy and obedient life.

In conclusion, I do not agree with the statement that the vast majority of Christians are unequipped to handle someone who is same-gender attracted as this statement describes a stereotype that society holds of Christians. I would say that society as a whole is generally not well equipped to handle homosexuality because homosexual people struggle greatly even outside the church setting.

My response to A's post:

Dear A,

While I agree with you that there is research evidence showing a general perception that Christians are unequipped to handle someone who is same-gender attracted, I wonder if there is much research done on how well the general population handles someone who is same-gender attracted. I have observed that same-gender attracted people seem to struggle not only in the church setting, but in society generally.

If the same-gender attracted person has chosen to act on their sexual desires and enter into a lifestyle of homosexual relationships, they cannot expect agreement from those who disagree with this type of lifestyle choice. And there are many people other than Christians who disagree with this type of lifestyle choice, which is why I say the same-gender attracted person struggle in society generally.

The difficulty comes when the same-gender attracted person takes another’s person’s disagreement of their lifestyle choice as a rejection of their whole person. For this reason, Christians who do not affirm a homosexual lifestyle are often perceived by those living such lifestyles as being ‘unequipped’ to handle such issue, no matter how they try to reach out.

I am an advocate of the theological position: “Reject the act but not the person”. It is very important, but also practically quite difficult to get across these two concepts:

1) “God loves the sinner but hates the sin”.

2) We are all in the same boat because we are all sinners, and in this fallen world we’ve all made lifestyle choices that displease God at one point or another, because like you’ve rightly pointed out, there are many other sexual issues within the church, such as pornography, pre-marital sex and divorce.

My response to B's post:

Dear B,

I agree with you that the statement “The vast majority of Christians are completely unequipped to handle someone who is same-gender attracted” is too generalised. In fact, I think this statement describes a stereotype that society holds of Christians. True, I have observed that some Christians’ attitudes towards same-gender attraction are judgemental, legalistic and even condemning.

We really need to constantly self-reflect on our own attitudes towards others because, as Clifford[1] points out, outside of our rejection of God the greatest sin of humanity is to treat others as nonpersons! In fact, the biblical sign that we are right with God is that we love our neighbour as ourselves (Luke 10:25-37)! It is very difficult to love our neighbours as ourselves, but the risen Christ calls us into a new community that dignifies and values every human being, so this is what we are to strive for. To do so, it is very important to be an empathic listener (putting ourselves into other people’s shoes) who is helpful and trustworthy, so that friendships can be formed. With this respect, we are not to treat same-gender attracted people any differently.

I like how you articulated that “the issue is not the desire for a same-gender relationship but whether a person acts on that desire… same-gender attraction is only a sin when it changes to lust which is acted upon, in the same way as adultery is, in a male-female marriage”. The clarity by which you’ve articulated the concept makes it easy to understand. I agree on this point: While I believe the bible condemns entering into a homosexual relationship and homosexual behaviour, I do not believe the bible condemns homosexual orientation.

Foster[2] points out that “the single person’s sexuality is expressed in his or her capacity to love and to be loved. Not all experiences of intimacy should eventuate in marriage or in genital sex. Loving does not need to be genital to be intimate, and the capacity to love is vital to our sexuality”. So regardless of sexual orientation, the single person should be encouraged to develop many relationships that are wholesome and caring.

Some interesting testimonies about same-gender attracted ministers:

https://www.premierchristianity.com/Past-Issues/2013/August-2013/A-Different-Kind-of-Coming-Out

Sean Doherty is associate minister at St Francis, Dalgarno Way in London and teaches theology at St Mellitus College
Soon after becoming a Christian at 16, Doherty realised he was attracted to men rather than women. He says that his church accepted him for who he was, but was also clear about sexual boundaries. ‘No one told me I needed to change my sexuality, but at the same time the teaching was clear that I shouldn’t act on those sexual desires’

Over time, Doherty experienced a change in his feelings, falling in love with and marrying Gaby, with whom he has three children. He still experiences same-sex desires but describes himself as ‘post-gay’, choosing to define his sexuality in terms of his ‘male’ gender rather than gay or straight.

Sam Allberry is associate minister at St Mary’s Church, Maidenhead
Allberry became a Christian after hearing an evangelistic message aged 18. At the same time he began to realise he was attracted to men, but chose not to tell anyone. ‘I was desperate not to acknowledge those desires. I didn’t want to be different from the other guys I knew.’
A turning point came after hearing a sermon on homosexuality as one among a number of sexual temptations. ‘I suddenly felt able to share with that pastor.’ Realising that his orientation was not going to change, he began to confide in friends. He draws on his experience of living a celibate life in his new book Is God anti-gay? (The Good Book Company)

Ed Shaw is part of the leadership of Emmanuel Church, Bristol
The son of an Anglican vicar, Shaw grew up in a Christian family with ‘a really clear understanding about what the Bible says about sex and sexuality’. From puberty onwards he began to experience same-sex attraction, but hoped that it was a phase he would grow out of. ‘It hasn’t been a phase, it’s still there,’ he says. ‘Only by my late twenties was I in a position to talk about it with close friends.’
Choosing to be celibate, Shaw has found his pastoral ministry at his church was in fact enriched by being open about his experience of same-sex attraction.

Bibliography:

Clifford, Ross and Philip Johnson. The Cross is Not Enough: Living as Witnesses to the Resurrection. Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 2012.

Foster, Richard F. “Sexuality and Singleness”. In Readings in Christian Ethics Volume 2 Issues and Applications, edited by David K. Clark and Robert V. Rakestraw, 155-165: Grand Rapids: Baker Academic, 2008.

McGrath, Barry. “Listening to a Complex Story.” In Sexegesis: An Evangelical Response to Five Uneasy Pieces on Homosexuality, edited by M. Bird and G. Preece, 135-151: Australia: Anglican Press, 2012.

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[1] Ross Clifford, and Philip Johnson. The Cross is Not Enough: Living as Witnesses to the Resurrection (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 2012), 58.

[2] Richard F. Foster, “Sexuality and Singleness,” in Readings in Christian Ethics Volume 2 Issues and Applications, ed. David K. Clark and Robert V. Rakestraw (Grand Rapids: Baker Academic, 2008), 156.